I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure menopause caused the pain in my foot. Yes, you heard me. Menopause has become the bad girl for just about every body change and moody moment lately.
And honestly? She deserves some of the blame.
Back in my younger, fertile years, I thought menopause just meant freedom. No more surprise visits from Aunt Flo, no more worrying about white pants, and goodbye birth control!
Thirty-three years later… ha! Joke’s on me. Turns out, it’s a full-body and brain plot twist. Why didn’t anyone advertise the rest of the “features”?
So, in the spirit of sisterhood and survival, here’s a peek at my Top 10 Favorite “Gifts” of Menopause.(Spoiler: it’s a wild ride.)
1. Plantar Fasciitis, Anyone?
That’s what I’m sporting right now in my right foot. Taped up, orthotic cushions, brace, the whole dramatic production. While plantar fasciitis isn’t directly caused by menopause, the hormonal drop in estrogen can reduce tissue elasticity, which might explain the inflammation… or maybe it’s the extra few pounds I’ve lovingly named “Meno Muffin.”
Remedies That Help
- Stretch calves and arches daily. Try yoga or roll your foot on a frozen water bottle.
- Choose supportive shoes (your 20-year-old self may judge, but your foot won’t).
- Add magnesium and vitamin D to support muscle and bone health.
- If it’s stubborn, see a podiatrist. Early treatment = faster recovery.
2. The Phantom Period
Months of blissful freedom… then surprise! Your body decides to stage a “rehearsal period”. Cramps, bloating, and mood swings, but no actual period. Like, why?!
Remedies That Help
- Stay hydrated and limit salt to reduce bloating.
- Use a heating pad or warm compress for cramps.
- Try chasteberry or evening primrose oil to balance hormones.
- Remember: this too shall (eventually) pass.
3. Your Nose Becomes Super-Charged
I’ve always had a decent sniffer. Life with two boys, a husband, and smelly socks will do that. But lately, I swear I can smell the neighbor’s dinner three houses down.
Remedies That Help
- Diffuse essential oils like lavender or eucalyptus to calm your senses.
- Step outside for a “nose reset.”
- Remind yourself it’s temporary, you’re not becoming a bloodhound.
4. Hair Has an Identity Crisis
Hair decides to retire early in the usual places while sprouting rebelliously in new ones. I’ve got one fine hair that insists on growing from the middle of my neck like it’s auditioning for a solo. Oh, and my so so sad ponytail (Yes! I’ve opted to sit out the short, sensible, “adult” hair do for a little bit longer), where’d all my hair go?! I used to have so much hair the bands would snap!
Remedies That Help
- Use gentle hair serums with biotin and peptides.
- Tidy up facial hair with small trimmers (no shame!).
- Support hair health with iron, zinc, and B vitamins.
5. “Menopause Brain” Is Real
Brain buffering is the perfect term. I’ve walked into rooms and instantly forgotten why I’m there. I’ve called my kids the dog’s name and vice versa. At this point, someone will answer eventually, so it’s fine. I think we should have a universal menopause moment signal to let other people know if all of a sudden our eyes go blank and we forget what we’re doing or what we just said.
Remedies That Help
- Write things down, sticky notes are a design aesthetic now.
- Take omega-3s and B12 for brain support.
- Exercise regularly for better focus.
- Prioritize sleep (if your hormones let you).
6. You’re Suddenly a Furnace
The hot flashes. The sweat. The sudden internal inferno while everyone else is shivering in their ski jackets. On the bright side, I’ve saved a fortune on my gas bill.
Remedies That Help
- Wear breathable cotton or bamboo fabrics.
- Keep a cooling towel or mini fan nearby.
- Avoid caffeine and spicy food, they trigger heat waves.
- Try black cohosh or sage tea, both have been shown to help.
7. The Accidental “Resting B**** Face”
Apparently, estrogen affects facial muscle tone, so sometimes we look annoyed even when we’re perfectly fine. I didn’t notice until I saw vacation photos — and thought, “Why do I look like I’m plotting something?”
Remedies That Help
- Try facial massage or gua sha to lift and tone.
- Smile more, it naturally releases happy hormones.
- Or, embrace it. We’ve earned the right to look unbothered.
8. Sleep Becomes a Circus Act
Falling asleep? Easy. Staying asleep? Not a chance. My internal alarm goes off at 3:30 a.m. every single night like clockwork.
Remedies That Help
- Avoid screens and heavy meals before bed.
- Take magnesium glycinate or melatonin.
- Keep your bedroom cool — aim for 68°F or less.
- Use deep breathing or guided meditation when you wake early.
9. Suddenly Super Emotional Over the Weirdest Things
This one I actually love. A dog getting adopted? Tears. A sunset with purple and orange streaks? Full-on heart swell. It’s like my heart grew two sizes — I’m more sentimental, more grateful, and more aware of life’s beauty.
Remedies That Help
- Let yourself feel it, these emotions are healing.
- Keep a gratitude journal or daily reflection habit.
- Ride the hormonal rollercoaster with compassion (and tissues).
10. Menopause Belly, The Mysterious Newcomer
Oh yes, she arrives quietly… and then refuses to leave. One day your jeans fit, and the next day it’s like they’ve conspired against you. The waistband laughs. The button weeps. Suddenly, your midsection becomes its own little VIP lounge, and no one warned us that estrogen and metabolism would go on strike at the same time!
Now, let’s be clear, this isn’t about vanity. It’s about suddenly not recognizing the middle section you’ve lived with your whole life. You’re eating the same, moving the same (maybe even more), but your body’s new favorite hobby is “redistribution.”
Remedies That Help
- Self-Compassion Over Comparison: Seriously. You’re not failing. Your hormones are just re-decorating.
- Strength Training Is Your New BFF: Muscle mass drops with estrogen, so add light weights or resistance bands. It helps rev up metabolism and keeps your core strong.
- Prioritize Protein: Think eggs, fish, beans, and Greek yogurt. Protein helps balance blood sugar and preserve lean muscle.
- Don’t Fear Healthy Fats: Avocados, olive oil, nuts. They help balance hormones and keep you full longer.
- Ditch the Sugar (Mostly): Sugar triggers insulin spikes that can make belly fat hang around like an uninvited guest.
- Walk It Out: A brisk daily walk (even 20–30 minutes) helps manage stress hormones that feed that belly fluff.
Final Thoughts: The Beauty Beneath the Chaos
Menopause isn’t the end of anything, it’s a recalibration. Yes, there are aches, sweats, random hairs, and emotional landmines. But there’s also a strange, beautiful power that comes with knowing yourself better than ever before.
So here’s to hot flashes, foot braces, and the fine hair on my neck, all proof that we’re still evolving, still laughing, and still fabulous through it all. You’ve got this. No one better!
