Don’t Let Scared Get In The Way.
My friend just taught her first row class. My friend is 56 and she kicked butt! She was fully transparent that she was nervous but she also said that she never lets being scared get in the way of doing things. Cue “proud tears”.
I felt so proud that she was my friend. I mean, I’m always proud to call her my friend because she really is quite cool, but at that moment she didn’t let her nerves stop her from rising above the scary. Instead she got right on top of it and rode it for the most inspiring 40 minute class I’ve ever taken.
So for those of you who do let scary get in the way (myself included) lets try to figure us out together. Starting with, why do scary things have so much power and what can I do to move past them?
Why do scary things have so much power?
After major and ongoing truth sessions with myself I realized that fear was at the foundation of all of my half finished projects and unfollowed dreams. But why?
- Fear of Failure : After decades of experience, responsibilities and feeling like we know everything we need to know, the thought of starting something new and failing seems inevitable and embarrassing.
- Comfort in Routine : After so many years we’ve created our routine. Any change disrupts our routine and comfort zone. And that comfort zone, she’s a strong one! She knows exactly what cord to pull you back with when thoughts of doing something different calls for you to come out and grow.
- Self Doubt : Remember the years when you were capable and strong? Not that you still aren’t but back then there was less doubt in what you could achieve. Now we might question if we’re still capable of learning or excelling in something new.
- Fear of Judgement : We worry about what others will think if we try something outside our usual role. And at this point we’ve collected so many more people outside of our family who we think will be watching us.
- Physical and Mental Energy : New challenges require effort, and sometimes we doubt whether we have the stamina or mental sharpness to keep up. Every time I see my sons working on a paper or studying for a math test I think about how close to impossible it would be for me to take on any more information.
- “It’s Too Late” Mentality : The I wish I did it sooner mentality. Part of me feels that I’ve always had that fear because of the times that I’ve compared myself to how far others my age were. But then I look back and realize all the time I wasted sitting in that seat of comparison.
- Fear of Looking Dumb : Like a fish out of water for sure! We don’t want to look or feel like we don’t belong or we don’t know what we’re doing. On the other hand, isn’t that how all new things are supposed to begin.
- Emotional Baggage : We’ve collected so much of it! Past disappointments, failures, traumas or regrets can make us hesitant to think we can do anything new, much less successfully.
What can I do to move past scary things?
Now it’s time to take action. Uncomfortable for sure but knowing there are ways to get past fear makes me hopeful. And I do think it gets easier the more we embrace fear as a part of the adventure.
- Make Fear My Friend : Not all fear. Just this type of fear. The kind of fear that you grow from. So instead of walking the other way think “whats up fear? I see you but I’m going to go ahead and walk past you”. Fear is normal, but it shouldn’t block you from your goals. Recognize it, sit with it, and then move forward despite it.
- Take Baby Steps : Break the scary thing into steps. Want to start a business? Begin with research. Want to try a new hobby? Take a beginner’s class. But don’t stand too long because you might just fall over. Keep moving forward with the next step.
- Learn From Failure : Instead of seeing failure as the end, learn from it. Every misstep is just part of the journey, not a sign to quit. Be patient and collect the lessons. You will get it and maybe even teach others.
- Supportive People : Be with the people who encourage you. Being around others who have done scary things makes it feel possible. I believe in the adage that “like attracts like”. If you really want to do something, the people who can help and support you will appear.
- Visualize : Picture yourself succeeding. See yourself confident, happy, and thriving. Make this a practice before you go to bed and upon waking. Starting and ending your day with visualization and the feelings it creates helps train your brain to believe it’s possible.
- I’ve Already Done Big Things : Think about all the tough things you’ve already overcome—raising kids, handling life’s challenges. The fact that you’re reading this proves you want more and that you’re a fighter. Keep creating, you’re stronger than you think!
- What’s the Worst That Can Happen? : What IS the worst that can happen? And if the worst happens, will anyone get hurt? Can you recover?
- Have Fun : Make it fun! Team up with a friend that is like-minded and you enjoy hanging out with. What better excuse to hang out and grow at the same time. Maybe each time you hit a goal, reward yourselves with a mani-pedi or happy hour!
In the End
This is not the end—it’s a powerful new beginning. Many successful women reinvented themselves at this stage in life. Every new experience strengthens us, keeps us engaged in life, and reminds us that we’re still evolving. We are not done yet!
Mantra to repeat: “I am capable. I am worthy. I am ready.”
